Day Off At Work

Fingers hitting keyboards; some rattling and some tapping
Varying tones of ringing followed with pleasantries and laughing
Whispers in the break room and clunking heels down the hall
I am frozen in my seat, trying not to hear at all

The air conditioning’s cycle and the ding-dong of the door
The muffled stomping of the lawyers who are above pacing the floor
The fan inside my laptop and the “received” tone of the fax
Still I am motionless, oblivious to how many minutes I’ve let pass

Complaints about the coffee and loud talkers on the phone
The office slowly shrinking but staffing targets are dead on
What sales are at what stores and grandchildren stories from the women
I vent to fight my rising heart rate as this typing keeps me hidden

You will want to be her home.

We want to be noticed and eventually adored for our hidden intricacies. We want the lover who lives to learn us. The one who wants to take us across the world to drink wine for breakfast and drunkenly stare at buildings to discuss architecture and religion. We want someone who realizes that where you invest your time, your heart will follow. With bitten nails, designer shoes and an iPod library ranging from Mozart to Ludacris. Someone who shares their first bite of steak and offers up their last bite of ice-cream. Someone who sees her.

She will always make you late, but it is you that she wants to impress. She is not and never will be a morning person so you can expect to wake up your hypothetical children and make them breakfast. She loves fire and fresh cut grass but is allergic to smoke and gets hay fever. She loves to cook for you and lives to bake, but has never cared for sweets and would rather leftovers most nights. She can’t help but talk during movies and will “Shush” you when you do. She is the most giving and selfish person you will ever meet and has all faith in the biblical definition of love.

She will laugh at herself often and see she is becoming her parents more every day. She will take pictures of you when you are not looking and write you letters you will never see when she is angry. She will pray for you more than herself and curse you quietly for leaving toothpaste in the sink and licking your fingers. She takes her coffee black because her mom does and notices every time you touch her. She will use all of the hot water, take all of the covers and expect to never touch a trash can for the duration of your life together. She will always want to see the world but avoid looking like a tourist at all cost.

She will vote in every single election, listen to talk radio and still dance until sunrise to pop music you’re embarrassed that you like a little. She has a distrust of modern medicine and big business and hates environmental irresponsibility. She is the girl who loves to run and will race you barefoot after too many drinks. She loves to sing and does so often, but rarely knows all of the words. She makes you think about houses and children and cries during comedies. You will want to be her home.

Life is happening.

I am going for an interview in Illinois on Monday. They are flying me into the depth of the snow for two days to “discuss the position we spoke about.” I do not want to move to Illinois, but I do want the best opportunity out there, and if they offer me the job…this just may be it.

I am working on so many projects at work that I can’t keep them straight and the contract grant writing I’m working on for my non-profits is rolling into a bubbly mess in my head.

I decided to simplify this year and it seems that the runoff from 2010 is slowing that process down.

This year, I will choose to be happy.

I will run into fearful situations, not from them.

I will say no, not always, but more often.

I will apologize sufficiently and sincerely.

I will tell myself continually to slow down, relax and that nothing in life worth having, is easy.

I will not be judgmental or condescending.

And for the very first time in my life, I will commit to myself more than others.