What I don’t understand

I know what drink you order and how you like your poor boy dressed.
I know what school you went to and who you took to prom.

I know what you dream about and what you are scared of;
Who broke your heart and whose heart you broke.

What few deserts you eat and which veggies you eat cooked or raw.

I know the first thing you play every time you pick up your guitar and that you never change the strings on time.

I know the “go to” jokes that make you laugh and what teams you’re watching.

What I don’t understand, is why you don’t want to know these things about me.

Back to the middle

I am placed in two extremes
where I serve, or I am queen.
Where power is passed from you to me
or is held just out of reach.

I wake up knowing that you chose me,
then spend the day questioning when you will leave.
I brag about the "rock" that you have been,
and then left speechless reading the text you so quickly send.

One day I taste of the love you sing-
settle in the comfort that security brings...
And before the sun hides and the weight of the day is through,
you're see-sawing leaves me trying again to understand you.

You stand to help me when I climb,
and rejoice regardless of what I find.
And before you take my hand to guide me as I crawl,
you step away and ignore my fall.

In the sun, in the rain-floating high or unprecedented pain,
I am expected to accept my place,
Held first in your heart or fighting to keep pace.

I allowed you to become too powerful,
Trusting that you could handle a heart on a plate that was already full
So I will give you what you say you need,
as I take my place back in "the middle" of ME.

for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus

In this period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter, or formerly Christmas before the term Advent was officially recognized, I am taking the opportunity to prepare myself through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial.
So as Jesus in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry where he endured temptation by Satan that I will never fully grasp, I am committing myself to 40 days.

You were there

In the softness of my sheets and in the dryness of the air

In the half full glass of water and last night’s left-over hair.

On the pillow right behind me and the sunshine through the shades-
In the stillness of my breath at the start of my day.

In the warmth of my heart as I am humbled by your choice
In the sigh on my lips at the sound of your voice.

I walked, I jumped, and I leapt and fell,
But not without you; you were there.

In my office, in my purse, in the mirror...

I have written about it, offered it up as advice and even regurgitated it to myself but I still need to listen...grasp it. So, for my benefit…

The only way that we can be positive that our lives work the way that God planned, is if we trust him with EVERYTHING.

Solomon gives three times when it is imperative to trust God in Proverbs 3.

1. When life takes an unexpected turn…aka-completely new job that you know will come to an end, having a peace about something that sets your mind in turmoil, and committing yourself to his financial principles even when “your way” seems to be working fine. I know that I don’t have to understand.

2. When you have no idea of what our future holds and yet God has commanded us to trust and obey regardless of how dreary or uncertain. I don’t have to understand, he will make sense of it for me.

3. When you are faced with decisions regardless of how big, small, urgent, long term or minute. If we consult him on every decision, he will guide. God will straighten my path by giving me a sense of identity.

God does not have my life on auto pilot and knows exactly what is ahead regardless of what the instruments read.

While there are walks, jumps and leaps of faith…none of them are blind. God has never failed.