I could not have asked for a better seat at graduation. Right in front I sat staring into the faces of sixty-nine students who had finally reached “the end that marks the beginning.” As I looked across the field at the bright faces I began to see anticipation and tears in the eyes of yesterday’s children and tomorrow’s leaders, or at least the next manager of the drive through daiquiri shop. As the ceremony continued I felt a sense of pride arise within me. “God I can’t wait to get out of here” was never a phrase that passed through my lips at that time, or during college, but I often see students confuse petty drama with the sometimes-tedious routine. If there were no school, or work for that matter, what would we go out on the weekends to celebrate freedom from?
As for Christina’s rule of law, starting something means nothing if you don’t finish it. Anything short of a whole hearted attempt is failure in my book. In today’s world, finishing school is not exactly the most difficult thing to do while it remains a necessity paradoxical to yesteryear’s lifestyle of leaving school to support your family. My solution is don’t start a family until God says to and if the one you were born into needs help, work nights.
I have always had a passion for education. I remember lining up my sister’s baby dolls to teach, preach and sue them.
I will never forget the mixed emotions I felt that day. I was so proud and angry at the same time. There they were, all of my peers sitting in their caps and gowns when I should have had a seat with them. I realize now that it was not my fault that I was forced to endure circumstances that altered my life and personality forever. It is not my fault that I had to leave school to pay rent and buy food because my father and mother temporarily had different priorities. I am just thankful that there were people in my life to help me through it. I was given a second chance at life. When I came back to school, I had lost all credit for my junior year, but I was given the opportunity to try again. I was checking groceries 10 hours a day and stocking shelves 8 hours at night to make enough money to move back and go to school. No one felt sorry for me, and I can honestly say, I no longer did either.
I sat as the name was called that would have preceded mine, Hancock-my best friend. Then there was the silence where I would have been. But I was in the stands watching and finally thanking God that I had stopped regretting, blaming and successfully started over.
Pride was my companion throughout the day. My heart ached when I saw everyone hurling their caps into the sky. I softly said, “well, no” when parents questioned “wasn’t this your senior year?”
This was in fact the very best and worst ever experience of high school, and while I have countless life altering mistakes and regrets on the books, this single day opened my eyes to a new life. I finally learned how to lay down my pain and get up without it. I had been lying hurt, bitterness, and resentment down on the altar for years; but I just couldn’t manage to leave it there.
There in those stands where I was actually somehow meant to be, I left my anger and tears Maybe I wasn’t ready for the real world yet. Maybe I had to reach a point in my life where I would not let anything or anyone hold me back so that I could break the generational curses of my family and reach God’s perfect place for me in this world.
Four years later, my parents would not watch me graduate from college, but for the first time in years, they both called to congratulate me, which was one of the first of many steps in mending the relationships within my family.
I was given a chance that many people will never be offered. I experienced a Christmas Carol sort of out of body experience; the ever so popular “blessing in disguise” routine. I got to hit pause and watch what life consists of when no one knows you’re watching. Life somehow needed to reschedule my appointment. So, from the depths of my heart, what I really mean to say is “thank you.”
