I have discovered that it is impossible to find a man that you are physically and emotionally attracted to, that is also a handy man. In fact, I am pretty sure little boys are pulled aside in school and taught that they must choose if they are to be the “marrying” or “fixing” kind. In my brief experience i have learned that there is a significant difference between boyfriends and rent-a-husbands. In an effort to save anyone an argument, I decided to share the differences so that there is less confusion of what is expected of each
BOYFRIEND
Has to be told to take out trash repeatedly and only does so once the smell is unbearable.
RENT-A-HUSBAND
Buys a new trashcan that is easier to roll with a year supply of liners.
BOYFRIEND
Buys wrinkle releaser and febreeze in an effort to avoid washing or ironing any article of clothing.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Irons your clothes for you so you can get ready to go see your friends on time.
BOYFRIEND Takes Two plus weeks to call a refrigerator repairman and doesn’t even consider the financial loss of food.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Investigates the problem, googles directions, purchases the part and gets rid of your old leftovers to make room for the wine he picked up on the way home from Home Depot.
BOYFRIEND Has no idea how many miles are to be driven on a vehicle before maintenance is required but he knows it is at least a few weeks after the warning light starts flashing.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Washes your car because he was “already there” when he was getting your oil changed and new inspection sticker.
BOYFRIEND Has no inclination of when you are having “girl time.”
RENT-A-HUSBAND Walks on egg shells and brings you chocolate so you can rest while he hangs the pictures that are too heavy for you.
BOYFRIEND Doesn’t require affection of any kind until he makes the move-which is usually for the duration of at least two commercials.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Doesn’t expect even a hug after working for four hours on your broken central air unit or painting your bathroom.
BOYFRIEND Gets pissed when you yell at him and classifies all serious discussions as a fight.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Enjoys your banter and calls you a bitch to your face…and you love it.
BOYFRIEND Needs assistance locating the lawn mower.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Winterizes your lawn equipment and gets a comfy handle for the rake so you don’t get blisters.
BOYFRIEND Has no idea what cleaners are for what so when guilted into cleaning a toilet-they reach for a wad of toilet paper and call it a good job.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Warns you against using harsh chemicals on your new hardware and bring you a dust mop for your refinished floors.
BOYFRIEND Buys you flowers twice a year as an answer to something terrible they did.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Landscapes your yard, changes out your perennials and knows you hate roses.
BOYFRIEND Takes three hours to respond to a text because he is taking nonstop shots at the bar with his boys.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Buys you shots that he knows you love and then hands you an ice water because he knows you have a sensitive stomach.
BOYFRIEND Tells you to meet him after you are done shopping for household items and paint supplies.
RENT-A-HUSBAND Meets you at the store so you don’t have to lift the 5 gallon buckets or put gasoline in your car.
Hopefully this clears some things up…and give you guys some incentive to step up his game.
Inevitably, we will continue to love the men that love us...and pray each night they act like their crutch-like rental counterparts.
